The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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