Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
did you just send me my own nude
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize