I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
