hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize