How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
