How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
