Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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