She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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