I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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