I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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