her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
