I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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