I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
