Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
