I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
