ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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