come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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