I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
