just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
