are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
