i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
