it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
