we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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