girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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