are you still at the devil's house?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
