Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
