Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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