he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
