these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
