im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
