Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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