Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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