I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
