WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
