In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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