She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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