she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's like iHOP with fire
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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