I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
