hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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