Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
