Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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