So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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