Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
