Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize