Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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