Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
