I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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