Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
