We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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