don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was confusing and full of hummus
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
