as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
