we have pet lesbian snakes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
