Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
