the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
