Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you win again, gameday.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
