ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
