everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
