when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
