my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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