She said her name was "party"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
God, I missed his penis.
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