i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
