you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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