I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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