For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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