I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize