Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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