you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
