I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
