my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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