Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
